I had a conversation regarding things I want to work on. They’re little things, but they’re things nonetheless. I’ve probably stated them at some point or another, but maybe list form will help me keep them in check.
.trying to be more confident.
Someone once told me that you have to just fake it until you make it. That means, even if you aren’t confident or don’t feel like it, just fake that you are, and maybe confidence will come out of it. Maybe you can trick people into thinking you’re confident. Not that tricking people is okay, but if it helps you along and helps you to become more confident then I think it’s alright.
.saying hello and bye to my parents.
I have a strange relationship with my parents. I have a hard time opening up to them. Maybe I’m scared of being vulnerable with them because they’re the ones who will hurt me the most if they shut me down. A few months ago we barely even spoke and we had this mutual feeling that we just didn’t want to be around each other and it made the household quite tense. My boyfriend suggested to me that I make it a point to say hi and by to them when I leave and come home since I’m not home that often. I’ve been doing that lately and I think a sense a bit of happiness and the tension has eased. I feel happier as well. It’s a small thing, but it’s something worth doing.
.being on time.
I got in trouble at work early in the summer for always being a few minutes late. It wasn’t all the time, but it was enough that people noticed. Since then I usually make it a point to try to be on time or early. Sometimes I slip up, and it’s not my fault, but I put effort into planning how I’m going to get somewhere and how long it will take me. Now I’m usually early, if not on time.
.saving money.
Been trying to be better with the money lately. I’ve been saving a bit, and it feels kind of good. It’s not a lot, because I can’t afford to save a whole lot at one time, but I think it adds up. I put some money away the other day and thought to myself: “I can’t wait to get paid again, so I can save more”. I still go shopping (although, a lot of the time it’s thrift shopping), but I also know where most of my money is going, which is a good feeling.
.being more open.
I keep a lot of things to myself. I guess I’m kind of a private person and I strongly dislike being vulnerable. What’s the worst that can happen when you’re vulnerable, though? Get rejected and shut down. It’s nothing that hasn’t happened before. I want to feel more vulnerable more often because it makes me feel like I’m being open and honest and real. When I shut down I feel almost sneaky and scared. I think it’s a positive thing to be vulnerable sometimes. Maybe that will help with my confidence too.
.cursing.
Ugh, I swear like a sailor sometimes. I went to a movie last night and there was a whole bunch of swearing that seemed unnecessary. Those words kind of stood out and made me feel uncomfortable. Maybe that’s the point, but I don’t swear as much and I like it. That’s something I want to work on and something I want to cut back on, and eventually not do.
